For any of you wondering why AP European History is so similar to world history in many aspects, I have your answer: AP Euro is a class on Europe and everyone they've screwed over. Which happens to be almost the entirety of the known world. And so, it ends up being very similar to world history. But don't forget, this is Europe we're talking about here. They can't just fuck up the rest of the world to help themselves. Oh no, they're going to trip themselves up too.
The first wave of imperialism started roundabouts 1492, in which Columbus sailed the ocean blue and gave a lot of people small pox in exchange for some syphilis. Columbus was kind of a massive dick to everyone, along with rather stubborn and generally not worthy of having all sorts of stuff named after him. But that's a tale for another time. Anyways, Spain and Portugal start land grabbing the shenanigans out of the Americas and surrounding regions, subjugating and conquering all the native populaces. England and France follow, seeing that it looks like a pretty good time over in this hip, fresh "New World" place. For awhile, Europe has it pretty good (except for the syphilis, which is a bit of a downer). But then they decide that it's a little too boring, this triangular trade thing.
There are some wars, such as the French and Indian war (which, as all your history teachers have probably told you, actually involved the French and the British. Seriously, why not just name these wars after who fought them and when?) in which the natives decide that one side is wrecking their homeland a little less than the other side and fight so that the French/British* can get more of the land that technically belonged to the natives for thousands of years. A little weird, but I'm sure the French/British were very persuasive. Anyways, this war was just a part of the larger 7 Years War, named for the amount of time it took to fight.** This was also really the first World War, although they had yet to hire the marketing people to name these wars dramatically or appealingly yet. They were still in the store brand period of war, in which they sounded pretty dull and stuffy.
So, lots of people die in the 7 Years War. In the French and Indian War, started over a land claim in Ohio (which is, if you ask me, a frickin' dumb place to start a war over. They didn't even have Cedar Point back then), a lot of people die as well. Some natives do as well, something that both sides can be happy about while they contemplate their next plan to make themselves look like squabbling children. Britain gained all of France's possessions in the New World, leaving them with what would eventually become French Canada and a whole lot of culture clash that would mysteriously lead to one of the most polite and well tempered nations in the world. They also succeeded in doubling their debt, something which led to higher taxes on things like tea. I wonder where this is headed?
By the way, Spain and Portugal are still chillin' in South America and the Caribbean. But Haiti's about to open up a can of whoopass.
*Yes, the Indians fought on both sides. The American name for this war is really rather silly.
**Much like the Hundred Years War but a lot less impressive sounding, and a little under a third of the length of the 30 Years War. Europe was in a bit of a creative slump at this time.
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